Diet Program

I have embarked a challenge to stop drinking sugary drinks for 7 days started 22nd July last month.

It was the hardest week because I basically consume sugary drinks everyday. Therefore, I ate a lot of rice and sweets food.

After the week, I don't feel sugary drinks tasty anymore.

Alhamdulillah, I broke the 12 years bad habit (I started drink sweet drinks after I stop my silat training during secondary school).

I continue the challenge for weekdays and I only drink moderately sugary drinks on weekend which I only drink when I found no plain water available.

My weight not reduce for the first and second week, it even increase because I eat a lot to replace the sugary drinks that I refuse.

So, I started to do exercise which no avail because it's not reduce my weight but it can control my stress. It's good, but not enough to get my target to lose weight.

Then, I begin to calculate my calories intake. I have to take less than 1300 calories everyday. Obviously, I can't follow everyday, but I limit only 2 days for the cheat days a week.

Alhamdulillah, I lost around 3 kg when I started on July 22.

I write this post to make sure, I will keep focusing on my goal; to take care of my health, to eat healthy food, to exercise regularly and to lose more weights 💪🧘.

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The Thirty

While reading Pilgrimage, I keep thinking to make a journey by myself.

Therefore, I can meet new people, learn new things and have courage to become a new person.

But, I just kept reading, thinking and wondering of all the circumstances that might be appeared in the journey while lying on the comfort bed in the 3 star hotel at the middle of Kuala Lumpur (I can see the summit of KL Tower and KLCC from it - so, it is quite close to city center)

And I cried without reason, and praying Allah will show me the best path to take.

Suddenly, the door opens and someone I do know but don't really know appeared.

I know her but we never talk. And she told me she messaged me with no reply. (Whoever got my reply is so lucky, and if I messaged you first, yes, I love you 😜)

God is answering my prayer. I told her about things that she didn't know and she was telling me about things that I have no idea of.

Yes, I learned about Freddy Mercury and Queen. I am laughing at myself to think I am now thirty and just aware about it.

That's a good prayer right and when Allah answer it means it is good for me. Learning about a rock band may not have any benefit for me.

But, if I have no idea about that kind of general knowledge, how about the other important knowledge that I don't know yet?

That becomes a sign to keep believing that Allah will always guide me if I am praying for Him to guide me. Which I always forget.

A sign to keep believing the prayer that He is not answering yet, is a guidance for me to lead a good life as long as I keep praying for the right cause.

Since I am on my comfort bed. Imagine a journey alone with a new companion.

*And with a knock, He answered everything.*

Yes, I am thirty and I know nothing without Allah's will.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10218680701264572&id=1109689110

The sleepless night

Yes, I got sleep. I just make it early and I can't sleep anymore.

I got headache, stomachache and I don't feel good inside my body.

I swallowed a few of pill, reading book and I am not getting better.

I cried, missing someone that I should forget. But, it's not easy.

So, I got up, take a shower and pray.

Go downstairs and drink some fibre, hopefully my stomach will get better.

And grab the milk from the fridge and take a mug back to my bedroom.

I should write my novel. But, I am so lazy.

So, I just continue again to watch House of Cards.

It's reminded me of my favorite TV show when I am young, the West Wing.

It's like a dejavu because now I am working at the west wing of the Prime Minister's building.

I don't know if I was indulge in politic since my young age. But, I do love it. Although, I seem don't really care about it sometimes.

But, I still can't sleep. And I need to wake early this morning to go to work.

The remedy

I have been thinking whether I need to seek help from professional or not.

If I want to find a professional, who I can trust with all my story of life?

I don't know who. I can always tell my best friend but I know I will not tell everything.

The only thing that I can trust is Allah.

Maybe, just maybe I will find help from Him.

In my busy life, I always forgot about Him.

I care and depend so much on people and I forgot that Allah care more about me and I can depend on Him.

So, I will try to do this 4 remedies:

1. Zikir every chance I have
2. Pray early time with sunat rawatib prayer
3. Read Quran (Al-Waqiah, Al-Mulk, 10 verses of beginning and end of Al-Kahfi)
4. Qiamullail (where I can talk and do my consultation with Allah)

I should try this first. Hopefully, I will get better.

The anxiety

I just back from attending a training on lay counselor.

During the program, we have to answer few quizzes.

One of them was the level of our mental health.

I got worst for my anxiety and moderate for stress and depression.

And I was the only on got the worst score in the room.

I think I am fine.

But, I know I don't really can function well.

I leave my workspace messy.

I forget a lot of things.

I am disappointed with my self that I can't be as efficient I should be.

Or as perfect as I should be.

Sometimes I feel useless.

I can't do simple things and I don't know what to do.

I sleep for 6 hours or more but I still feel tired when wake up.

And when I am thinking about everything I started to cry.

Crying without knowing the reason why.

I can't off the lamp when sleep at night because I am afraid I can't wake up at the right time.

I worried to sleep at midday because I am afraid people will call me about important things.

I keep checking my phone if anything happen.

I don't know if I really need to seek help from professional

I want to quit my job but I always afraid.

Afraid that I can't do any better in other job.

Afraid that I don't have money to support my family.

Afraid that others who replace me will take opportunity for their own good.

Maybe I really need to find help.

The prayer for dreams

In the middle of this midlife crisis

I am wondering, what I should do next?

I always dream big, but, becoming adult, my dream becoming smaller

Least I aware, one by one my dream had came true

I just thinking, the dream is not perfectly like what I had imagine

Because everything will never be perfect

But it did come true

That's the reason I always grateful

That I have done nothing

But, Allah always grant me good things in life

Because Allah always love me, protect me and never leave me behind

Even though I always stray away from the right path

I don't know what will happen next in my life.

I want to help more people, but, I learned that it is not easy.

I wish Allah will always help people who need His guidance

And Allah will guide me to do more good things for the sake of Him and myself

When you hate so much

Politic

I hate it

So much

When people start arguing

I just don't care

But, for the last 20 years

I have this one dream

To change the government

What?

Yes, change the government

But, you hate politic?

Yes, but I still want to change the government

I don't even want to work for government until the government change

And it did change

And I was literally forced to work for new government

Still, I hate politic. 

Back and Reclaim

Writing is an exploration
You start from nothing
And learn as you go

I think that's also apply on life
We start from nothing
And learn as we go

So, I decided to keep writing
For me to keep living

Let's blogging again
Since I don't know how to start
And I start long time ago by blogging

I miss my self that time
I am not perfect
My life full of flaw
And I pray everyday for Allah to help me
To go through that difficult life

And His favour does reach me
Counting back all my prayers
Allah answers almost everything
And I am not realized it
Because I am so busy
Complaining about everything

When I decided to stop
Looking back at the trail of time that passed
Allah shows me everything that I forgot
And I know I have lost myself
Because I forgot to be grateful
And to thank Allah for everything He gives me

It's a good thing that I stop
And take time to reflect

And Alhamdulillah I decided to continue again
To reclaim my best self

Akhirnya! Novel pertama saya!

Mungkin masih banyak yang boleh diperbaiki lagi. Tapi ini kisah cinta pertama yang berjaya saya tamatkan.

Moga pada masa akan datang saya akan merungkai dan berhasil menamatkan lebih banyak kisah-kisah indah.

Its a dream comes true!

I am a writer now! Novelist!

2015 was a great time!

2015 was a great year for me.

I have been in a lot of situations.

And lot of big things happened to me.

I ended my 2014 with a news of my 2 years crush was getting married.

I started writing my novel.

And used the whole year in 2015 to finish it.

When I thought love was unimportant and didn't know if I was capable for it again.

I fell deeply for a person.

However, it was unrequited love and I got heartbroken.

When I was moving on,

An unacceptable proposal came up.

To be part of leadership in a renown Islamic organization in Malaysia.

At the same time I got a job.

The first permanent job in the office of the Opposition Leader of Malaysia.

Before that, I was hopeless with no money and no job.

Until I have to do a part time work for unique 'tutor' job in KL for a month.

Oh, don't forget, I at last got my driving licence after almost 10 years struggling to acquire it.

And at the end of the year, I finished writing my novel.

I still single and thinking love is not really important.

I am struggling to finish my study.

And I am happy with my work.

2015 was a great year to me.

It was too colourful.

Filled with laughter and crying hard.

It was the time I was turned 26 from 25.

And I am not young anymore.

But, I love my life.